Better in Feb

Hello Love💕 How are you guys doing? I'm pretty sure we are now quite get used to the new life working and staying home lol. I have been doing great lately. Feeling so happy that I finally sent out all the massive giveaway, limited edition #Chanwon100k merchandises this week. I get lots of you guys received it. Nothing more than seeing all your happy unboxing stories and tagged through ig.

I think everything go back how it used to be, I'm busying on both of my working and personal life. Althought someday or all in sudden, I feel quite stressed out on the middle of the night but things get better after I hired a new team members into my #TeamChanwon. To be honest, I never expect I can still expand my team and hired new team before the MCO, it just comes in sudden and previously part of my team working in Studio. Then became project based due to the pandemic and whenever I think of working from home, I just stressed out as it's quite impossible to work from home for me.

Maybe for the beginning or 1-2 days in a weekly basis is still alright but imagine, for a whole three months like what we experienced back in March, 2020. Wahlao, I tell you I can't get any inspiration when I didn't go out, interact, talking with people. Some day I will tears whenever I look at all my travels photo 😆 but then ever since I hired a new personal assistant now, I feel accompanied. She's so down-to-earth and I really like her so much.  She's willing to learn and taking a big step to ask me for vacancy when I don't expect to hire new team member at the end of year 2020.

Now everyday I'm looking forward to have a brainstorming session virtually with my team, I love speaking out my ideas to them and then we do it together to turn everything into a reality. I also miss my old team member who already graduated from #TeamChanwon 😆😆 I guess they are doing great now and other than that I think for this whole 2021 what really changed my mind is I think I pretty much get in touch with my old friends and also really get a lot of time to reply dm and chat with my sweeties haha.

Previously I'm always occupied with work. So whenever I'm home, I will just get rid of my phone. I didn't really got time to get in touch with my friends and they also not really Watsapp me because afraid that I'm on my trip or working. Also most of my friends or closed one who really urgent, will straight called me instead of texting. I don't really like texting also because my hand feel so pain and injured before. So you will realise that most of the time I love using laptop to reply my dm and things like that. I guess previously I used phone and texting too long, now whenever I'm holding my phone and texting / pressing for more than 30 mins, my hand get really tired and pain lol. OLD ALREADY LOL

Then since now MCO like every day I'm at home. I start to connect back with my friends. Also because at the beginning of 2021 I planned to host my wedding day in mid of January, so I also meeting my friends to pass them bridesmaid dress and then we chat, texted and everything. Then I realised, omg, I really missed so much fun time to catch up with them. Also because I rarely speak with them when I feel really down and if I have any problems, I will back to the usual me, who will rather settled it myself rather than asking for help.

But this year I learn to speak out for help. Even just a little thing I should learn to open my mouth and seek for help. Sorry ya, this is my own problem lol. I feel so hard to open my mouth and ask for help. Also I make use of the social media, whenever I need advice in preparing things or any life advice I just ask it on my instagram lol. I have always be the one who provide recommendation for you guys but I never thought there are things that I can get advice from you or sharing together with you all too. I guess I love this whole community, this whole family. 

Yes, I see how the relationship improved from that. With friends, also with my loved ones Smelly. This year since we officially get married. I now spending every day staying with him and sometimes with his family. I working at home, he get back after 6pm and then we enjoyed our dinner together, playing piano and so on. Smelly told me that I spent more time with him. He quite like this MCO lol because I have no choice but stuck at home with him. 😆 Damn it, I hope he won't get bored of me lol.

I also sharing some of the funny things we did at home. I annoyed him when he ignored me and keep focusing on his phone. He nag me when I'm working non-stop replying email at night. Valentine's Day is coming, I also bought a lot of baking kit and try to bake at home. It's so fun and I get stressed for it because I very scare I wasted all baking ingredients and have to go out to buy it a new one lol. I guess this year what I can gift it to Smelly, is basically accompanies, time and love. I never feel like having a so called home previously, but this year I'm going to be spending my Chinese New Year with my in law. I start calling them Mummy and Daddy after that day. 

A little shy to say that but I'm now part of his family. I'm gonna build my little family soon and also have my own little kids in the future. I really can't believe it now. Like I also never thought I can get married lol. I thought of just having a relationship until when I have the time to deal with it. Now all is almost done except for our last intimate wedding day. Also, I'm now waiting for the MCO lifted, I have so many upcoming plan for my baby Haptive.co. Not the human baby, but my business baby lol.

I also miss steamboat moment in my Studio with my work family. I'm quite give up to travel to oversea this year. I guess it's impossible. So what I hope is just even cuti-cuti Malaysia I also want. I also think of creating content to local travel business at least, people know what to expect even if it's just traveling within our own country. I miss the beach, the sound of it and enjoying steamboat or the feeling without afraid of the virus. Basically I pray for a MASK-FREE day. Thank you to all the frontlines as well who work so so so hard for the pandemic period like now.

I also get used to have video call There are nothing much we can confirm for now because the future is quite uncertainties but I believe, we can looking into now. Call my friends to have virtual chat, video call my dad, my bro and my bebe. I have done so much preparation for this upcoming 2021, although most plan get postpone and fail but I think god wish to teach me a lesson. Which is to just follow the flow and dealing with uncertainties. 

I have been working hard since early in my 18, everything just come to me after I work extra hard and never stop trying. But dealing with uncertainties is something I don't know. I feel there is a stone on me for a long time and I CAN'T MOVE IT away. Hard to breath sometime and I guess it's also a hint of early stage of depression or anxiety. I check on google, it actually recommended me to look for help or speak it out or just get consult with the pro. But I guess I need to find out the reason and deal with it. No one can help me when I'm not even sure what happen to myself. Previously I just get myself busy and get busy on my work, on my daily task just making sure I don't have time to be feeling alone. That feeling was scary and I hope that everyone can learn to manage your stress. 

Like what I did now, or I should say what I can do now is change the way I think which I shared on my new year resolution last month. Also realising I really enjoy tidying up my house, get rid of expired and useless thing, de-clutter it. Maybe it's my way of releasing my stress too. If you are nth to do at home can consider this as well.

I used to be really good at managing my stress, like through traveling and seeing new things just makes me feel better. Each of us is diff. Some of you exercising to release your stress, for me I mostly just book a ticket, solo travel and just do whatever I want. But when it comes to the pandemic, all I can and must do is just staying home. Feeling stuck making me feeling anxious even more and it was quite scary. God blessed me I'm feeling so so so so so so better when I speak it out. Yes, I know it's quite hard to speak out. I always thoughts aiyaaa, people also struggle if I call to speak I also paiseh disturbing them.

But it's just the way I think. My friends never mean that at all. They just told me I always think too much and putting so much burden on my shoulder. Is alright to seek help from them too. I guess that's true in some point! HAHAHAHAHAH But I think it's easier for me to type it here, but really took me forever to really speak it out to someone. I really love this little space, at least I can rants and nobody care. Only the one who care and concern about it will read all of it 😆 This is why I still can't give up on blogging. 

I love expressing myself through my blog and whenever I rants out, I feel relieved. Also so funny that since most of the time we work from home. We actually use zoom video call to do the shoot and then adjust the lighting and all. Then some content need Smelly helped them we will be placing the tripod stand with timer. I really looking forward for the day when everyone of us can get our job done faster, without worries, delay and mask-free. 

So for now, please take a good care of yourself. No one gonna responsible for it and if you are staying with eldest or parents, just try your best to practice social distancing if you force to go out, sanitised every time you touch on anything as we are still young we can fight with the virus but the elders have lower immunity system so please try to stay home as much as you can! That's all we can do. 

I'm looking forward to done all my company admin work by next week then can spending my Chinese New Year happily this 2021. Also my valentine's day with Smelly too. HAHAHAH Yes, smelly must be very happy because both 2019 & 2020 I'm having my trip in Japan lol. So this year, with Smelly! Gonna think of some surprise for him. 

Hope everyone of you can spend a good CNY this year. If you can't go back to your hometown, ordered some food at home and video call with your family! Happy CNY and Valentine's Day in advance. See you on my next post. Love, xoxo.

ps: Gonna go back to do my editing work now! Tata~